I left high school over four years ago now, and looking back, that’s when I believe I was happy in my skin. I was a good weight; at least now, I think I was. (Back then it was a different story and I thought I was fat, even though I wasn’t; I think everyone does this though.)
Towards the end of high school and in the beginning of sixth form, I did begin to put on weight. I was having a few problems with my health; I had an under active thyroid, my hormone levels were completely imbalanced and I was on several forms of contraception which messed up a lot of things in my body. I was anaemic, I was pulling out my hair and I was overly anxious a lot of the time.
Nothing in my diet has ever really changed. If anything I’m eating less over the years because I’ve become a lot more fussy with my food. I did stop dancing at the beginning of sixth form, at the time, I thought the weight gain had a lot to do with that. However, I was still active and going to the gym, so I think it was purely my health that meant I was putting on the pounds.
I’ve never been overly bothered with how I look, I think that may have something to do with the fact I’ve never really had to worry about it. But it’s when you start to stretch your pair of jeans, you’re standing in the changing rooms not being able to do the button up or even noticing another stretch mark you hadn’t seen before, that you really think about it. It’s not nice knowing you used to be able to fit into a size 10 jean, and it’s even worse looking back at photos wishing you looked the same as you did then. It’s hard looking at other people around you losing weight, yet everything you try, you can’t because of your health. It’s also hard accepting yourself for somebody you really don’t want to be.
I’m all for body positivity and I don’t agree with body shaming at all. I think everyone is beautiful in their own way, and I do think today’s generation are subject to a lot of pressure from the media. However, I also believe in personal goals. A lot of people would say my body is perfect the way it is now, and yes, I’m not obese, I’m not so overweight it’s damaging to my health. But, I’m not the same size I was when I was happy. So me having a problem with my weight, it’s for me and only me. I want to change for myself, not for the media and not for other people.
Since Christmas, I’ve been in and out of hospital and doctors having endless blood tests and scans to see what is really wrong with my body and health. I’m still having tests because doctors just don’t know. It’s a very annoying, very long process but in the mean time I have joined my local gym with my boyfriend and best friend with her boyfriend, and we all go together, everyday. My boyfriend basically lives at mine during the week as it is closer for his work, this makes it so much easier to be in it together. He is by no means overweight or unfit, he just comes to support me and tone. We are not unhealthy people, but we make sure to be healthy in the week and reward ourselves with a treat on the weekend. After ten days I’ve lost 10lbs which is insane. People have also commented saying I’ve lost weight which is such an incentive. I don’t see it myself but I don’t think you ever do. Knowing changes are being made and my health is getting better makes me want to continue to work hard and get to where I want to be.
If you’re struggling with weight gain, know that there are so many people going through the same thing. It might be worth seeing your GP to see if it is health related; I got told that nearly half of women have an under active thyroid without realising, it’s really common. Also, if you want to get in the gym and diet. Just do it. There is no time like the present and it is incredibly scary, daunting and difficult at first, but it is so worth it. I’m not only losing weight but I’m being social, active, it’s helping me sleep and I’ve got myself into a good routine; it’s been an all round positive thing. I know that it’s hard to cut out all of the foods you love, but having it so you can still eat these things on a specific day of the week or weekend like me, it means you get to work for them and trust me, it makes eating them so worth it, they taste even better.
I thought I’d share my story because I’m finally sorting my life out and feeling good about myself. It’s a big step. Not long ago I thought I’d never lose weight and I’d be this way for good. But it shows that hard work and determination really is key. I hope this helps.
Lots of Love, x